Thoughts from my death bed. . . August 29, 2007

*Been writing this post here and there for three days…here ya go*

Hi y’all…it’s me this time, the actual and for real author of this site. Thank you Savanna for keeping things running while I was planning my funeral. I really appreciate it. What a chum. Oh and I still miss you so come home already. (Oh and while I’m here, for the funeral, don’t forget “Follow the Music” Kristin. And Kevin, you’ve got daisies remember…) Ok, that’s taken care of. Sigh.

Now for the thrilling, all details included, no adjectives spared story…..I’ll do my best to make this as dramatic as I possibly can. I know y’all would expect nothing less from me. I won’t disappoint you…even in my current condition.

It all started two weeks ago…….well, let’s begin at the beginning….On December 17^th, 1984 I was born……ok, I’ll skip a few years…..

On a bleak and chilly day in January of this year….that’s better. Wait!! This year?? Wow, I’ve lived a lifetime since then. Ok anyway….so it all started back in January. I opened up Excel and pulled up a spreadsheet. A very natural and common thing for me to do. It said: “Children’s Ministries of Texas Project Schedule 2007”. As I put down assignment after assignment and scheduled deadline after deadline I thought, boy August is far away…I’m not even gonna be very busy til then. HA HA HA HA….

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months….life got crazier and crazier, harder, then very hard, some of it quite troublesome….my own little “series of unfortunate events” in fact…..and then I was tired. Very tired. Physically and emotionally. Ahh but the conference was just around the corner!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Not so fast…..the Sunday before IT started…“it” meaning everything, the whooooooole week….the skit practice, the meeting, the setup, the 3 day workshop, the tear down, the planning, the setup again, the training, the 2 day conference, the tear down…..I got sick. I thought it was allergies at first. But noooooo….it was a cold. Ok, well, a cold isn’t that bad. I came home Sunday night to find Kevin, Brian and Garrison at my house. I think I looked like Rudolf. The week continued on and so did my cold…then my cough, then I started falling asleep whenever I sat down.

(Am I making this drawn out and dramatic enough?????)

Ok, now back to the thrilling, all details included, no adjectives spared story….

Then……..it was over. (It went great over-all, praise the LORD…and I promise I’ll get pictures up soon…I do not have the energy to do that right now, so sorry.) So, we were home. *smile* That was a good night.

I went through the first part of the week feeling very tired but ok. By Wednesday I knew something was going on. I couldn’t pick my feet up very much when I walked and my hands wouldn’t even work right. So weird. I have never felt this fatigued before. I was told I was just exhausted, which was true, so I went to bed and slept and slept…and slept. Sunday I went to the morning service and went home right after. I was sooooo tired. I spend that evening with Kristin and my breathing got worse and worse. When I came home later I told Mama I could hardly breathe and was completely fatigued. So we decided to go to the doctor.

Oh just wait, the dramatic part hasn’t even started yet……..

At the doctor’s office they did everything they normally do. “When did all of this start?” Uhhhh, two and half weeks ago. “And have you been very active since then?” Ummmm, wellllllll…..you could say that, sorta. “How long have you had the cough?” “Does your chest hurt?” “Does your throat hurt?” “Does your little toe on your right foot hurt?” And on and so forth…the doctor came in and I was feeling very not so great. She listened to my heart and had me take deep breaths…yeah right, deep breaths??? I almost passed out taking “deep breaths”. She said, wellllllll, I think we need to do blood work and chest x-rays. Groooooooan. Bl-bl-bl-bl-bloooood work???? Oh boy.

I was feeling horrible, so I laid down. The nurse came in.

Nurse: Have you ever had blood work done?

Me: No. Just finger pricks.

Nurse: Ohhh, welcome to the adult world honey, you’re 22, no more finger pricks here, this is gonna hurt.

Me: *moan*

Nurse: Oh you think this hurts wait til you have a baby.

Me: I’d rather have a baby…

Mama: Nooooo, you wouldn’t.

Me: Ohhhhh, it just goes down hill from here…..

Mama: Yep.

It hurt. Botheration times infinity. I could NEVER have a serious illness. The treatment would kill me before I got better. Humph.

Then it was time to get x-rayed. Ohhhhh boy. There I am about to black out and the lady says, “I need you to raise your arms above your head. Now, take a big breath and hold it”. Groan. I did….I held it, and held it……Hello, I’m passing out now…..Ok…whew, just in time I could breathe again. “Ok, now turn this way……take a big breath and hold it…” Again??? Sigh. Ok. It was done. We were walking back. The room started to spin. My ears were ringing, I couldn’t see very much anymore. I laid down and my very calm, unphased, used to this kind of thing Mother got a cool rag and proceeded to bring me back. I could barely hear anything that was going on. I hate blacking out. Not fun, even if I am a southern girl.

This was NOT a laughing day.

So yeah, I have pneumonia. I’ve been taking all my medicine like a good girl and staying in bed….well, almost always. Last night I went to the Shaffer’s and spent the evening with Laura and the girls. I stayed on the couch all night, no worries. I had to go. Sniff. It was time to say goodbye. Laura moves to Michigan on Friday. Sniff. I’ll post pictures later….too tired right now.

I started wheezing pretty bad last night. Mama picked me up when it was time to go, heard my breathing and forbid me to leave the house for three weeks. She gave me a breathing treatment and I was able to sleep after a long while. I woke up this morning wheezing bad again so she called the doctor to make sure it was ok to give me the treatments. The doctor said that was fine but the wheezing concerned her so Mama had to go pick up an inhaler and I have to go back in on Friday morning for another appointment. Bother. So now I’m doing the inhaler and breathing treatments every 4-6 hours. The albuterol in the breathing treatments and inhaler makes me very shaky. UGH. Fun stuff.

Soooo, I’m in bed…….memorizing every detail of my little bedroom and trying to remember to breathe. Leaving drama out of it for a brief moment, in all seriousness, it has been sort of scary. Actually, if the truth be known I’ve been quite scared a few times. Sometimes, when I can’t get enough air and I feel like I’m being suffocated. And tonight all the sudden my chest got really tight and I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I could not get air. Ugh. It’s a very bad feeling. That and getting really dizzy all the sudden and thinking I’m going to pass out. Sigh. It’s been an experience to say the least. *smile*

But thank you SO SO SO SO much y’all for all the cards, virtual flowers and hugs, emails, comments, company, (in person and online *wink*) calls and prayers. What a bunch of wonderful peoples I have around me!!!!! *smile* I’m sorry I haven’t answered my phone but the messages have cheered me up even though I’m not up to chatting. I’ll call ya back and answer emails soon….I still feel completely weak and horrid.

Love y’all!!!!!!!! Goodnight!!! *smile*