the case of the expired instant mashed potatoes. January 17, 2008

I call this meeting…err uhh, movie to order!!! We’re relaxing tonight with a “MABLE Sisterhood Girl Night” instead of working and you know what that means………ok, let’s go through the list…Sisters, FUZZY PILLOW, movies, nail polish, camera, giggles, PJ’s, girl talk, Beth says soda, I say COKE, a few tears (It was a tragical movie) and last but not least, three year old instant mashed potatoes.

HUH??? Yep, you read it right……..no need to read it again just to make sure you read it right the first time, you did. I said three year old instant mashed potatoes. Ok, I know you’re dying to hear the brains behind this one…………too bad, there weren’t any, obviously. Who with brains eats three year old instant mashed potatoes??? No surprise this story mostly involved Melanie and me….Ok, now we’ll set up the stage for our little brainless act……*Curtain opens: 2am, four girls sprawled all over the living room watching a semi tragical movie in the midst of various piles of nail polish and cotton balls*

Mel: Still hungry???? I am!!!!!!!

Me: Yeah, sort of……

*gets up, walks into kitchen*

Me: Hmmm, got any avocados?????

*Side note: I should be green by now…..I’ve eaten SO many avocados this week, it’s ridiculous…I have a never ending craving for avocados, go figure. End side note.*

Mel: Yeah, I think so…..but no chips.

Me: That’s ok….have any bacon????

Mel: Yeah…………whatcha thinking??

Me: Avocado, bacon and tomato sandwich!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mel: Mmmmmm……..

*Gets out avocados*

*By this time Ames and Beth have also wandered into the kitchen to help search out other options for possibly delectable treats. (The avocados not sounding exactly tasteful to either of them at the moment. Or….any moment for that matter. Hmmm, oh well, their loss………….and moving right along…)*

*(Resume story) Ok, so I walked into the pantry….*

*(*Interjection* This is Amy y’all…Erin proceeded to make a bacon, tomato, avocado sandwich….ate half…then went back to searching for different food.)*

Mel: Whatcha doing, you still have half a sandwich!!

Me: Looking……….

Mel: For what???

Me: Nothing, I just want to keep my options open in case we want more food….

Mel: Oh…ok.

*Ames joins me in the pantry……*

Me: Well, we could make macaroni but we’re out of milk……..

*Neither of us find anything appealing so Mel comes in as we make our exit. (After all, the pantry isn’t THAT big!!!!!!!! Isn’t big enough for three, nothing to do with Melanie. Ok, that’s cleared up….Amy was nervous for a minute. Whew.)*

Mel: Hey, we have instant mashed potatoes!!!!

Beth: Hmmm, ok…..

Me: We’re out of milk!!!!!!!!!

Mel: Oh yeah………..

Me: Just use water…………..

Ames: YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Or……….coffee creamer!!!!

Ames: SICK!!!!!!!!

Mel: We could use half and half………

*Mel starts making the potatoes……*

Beth: What are you doing??

Mel: Making potatoes!!!!!!

Beth: We’re out of milk!!!!!!!

Mel: I’m using half and half!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beth: Oh.

*Mel proceeds to cook these delicious instant mashed potatoes in the microwave with us commenting on what a wonderful cook she is and how she’ll make a great mother someday for being so smart and knowing how to push the buttons and all….no easy task!!!!!!!!! Ok, so the potato flakes are ready to be stirred in.*

*Interjection* (This is Beth, At this juncture, I thought, “I wonder if those potatoes are expired?” and I almost said something about it, but then I thought, “If they ARE expired, we don’t get any mashed potatoes.” so I just kept my mouth shut and hoped they would taste good and we wouldn’t have to go to the hospital to get our stomach’s pumped!!!!)*

*Amy stirs……….one problem. They looked rather………….ummmmmmmmmmmmm……………..well, you might say they looked……they sort of still looked flakish.*

Me: Ummm, why don’t they look like this???? *pointing to lovely picture on instant mashed potato box*

Ames: They NEVER look like that!!!

Me: They do when I make them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mel: Maybe I didn’t heat the water long enough……..

Me: OH BROTHER, we can’t even make instant mashed potatoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Beth grabs a spoon to taste…..too bad we didn’t get a picture…..it would explain everything.*

Beth: Oh y’all, those are BAD!!!!!

*I grab Beth’s spoon and taste them too……….*

Me: Sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They taste like baby food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ames: Did you put in the butter???

Mel: OH YEAH!!!!!!!!! That’s it, they need butter……………..and more heating…..

Me: They need salt!!!!!!

*So we add butter………a lot of butter………………….and put them in the microwave again……..out they came.*

Me: Hmmmm, a little better……but I’m telling you, they need salt…..

*Interjection*(This is Beth, I tasted the potatoes again and they STILL tasted horrible, I decided that there was NO way we were going to get them to taste good so I should be safe to look at the expiration date!)*

Beth: Umm, y’all *box in hand* these potatoes expired February 17th, 2004!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Chorus of laughs, squeals and horrified looks*

Mel: We’ve had them that long???

Me: But instant mashed potatoes don’t go bad that fast!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What’d y’all do?? Buy them for Y2K??????????????

Ames: PROBABLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mel: They’re probably still fine…..

Beth: They taste gross!!!

Mel: Well, we still need to put stuff in………

Me: They need salt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ames: And cheese, they need cheese!!!!!!!

Me: And bacon bits!!!!

Mel: Ooooo yeah!!!!! See, they’ll taste good……..

*Four girls start pouring various items into the expired instant mashed potatoes in hopes of making them semi palatable…It can’t be THAT bad!!!! So, out they come and in goes the junk and back in the microwave they go and out they come again…*

Me: Do you think we should eat them????? They’re three years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mel: Well we cooked them three times!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: So that was enough to kill off all the pestilence????

*At this point we lose all control and burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter*

Me: Well????

Mel: Oh definitely!!!!

Me: *shrugs* Ok…..

So, we dug into the expired instant mashed potatoes!!!!!! (Not before Mel and I added the left-over mashed up avocado to ours!!!!!!!!!! Hey, it was actually quite delicious!!!!!! I’ve found a new “thing”!!!!!!!!! And I don’t think any of us will ever forget this night nor the story of the “MABLE Sisterhood and the Case of the Expired Instant Mashed Potatoes”!!!!!!!!

Oh, GOOD TIMES with my sisters!!!! Kudos to you for making all the way through!!!!! Love and hugs!!!