He never gives up. . . May 13, 2008

I’m so glad the Lord never gives up on us even when we give up on ourselves and lose hope.

I’ve let myself get the better of me for too long now. My focus turned inward rather than on the Lord. Allowed feelings of despair consume me. Entertained thoughts that I was unloved, uncared for, my life was pointless, useless and that I was important to no one and that my life made no difference. Rather than realize these things as lies I was believing, I blamed others for feeling this way. Upset when humans were just that, human. Hurt and feeling totally alone when they didn’t come through for me or meet my expectations.

I didn’t realize my biggest problem was refusing to let Jesus have my expectations, let HIM meet those needs. Let HIM be my best friend. Let HIM fulfill me. I didn’t experience HIS love for me. The reasons I was feeling unloved and uncared for were because I refused to let Jesus love me and be my everything.

Sunday night after a long talk with my Mom I came to the end of it. I couldn’t exist in the state I’ve been in one more day. I prayed, “Jesus, do you love me?” “Yes.” He answered. “Then show me a picture.” I closed my eyes and instantly saw the ocean. These words came to mind, “Could we with ink the ocean fill and were the skies of parchment made, were every stalk on earth a quill and every man a scribe by trade. To write the love of God above would drain the ocean dry…” My heart was overwhelmed. “Ok Lord, you do love me. But why?” “Because, I created you.” The answer was instant and I knew it was true. “I believe you Lord.”

Jesus loves me, this I know. I wrote that on a piece of paper over and over until I couldn’t write through the tears. He does love me and He wants the best for me. When He formed me and made me He knew His plan for me and the great things He wanted to do through my useless, empty vessel…and I want to know what that is. I want my heart to be full with that perfect joy that comes from His perfect will!!

After I prayed I asked the Lord to encourage me from His Word. I opened my Bible to this passage:

Psalm 139-

“O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether. Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee. Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men. For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain. Do not I hate them, O Lord, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee? I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

What can I add to that? Nothing. God is good…all the time.

Thank you friends for loving me and putting up with me when I haven’t been the easiest person to love or be around. I am overwhelmed with the blessings in my life and the goodness of the Lord. I love each of you very much!!!!!

“It is of His mercies we are not consumed, for they are new every morning. Great is Thy faithfulness!!!”